It’s a day of suspension. Or rather, an evening of suspension. I am poised on the edge of being blank and being sad. Work was busy; as it is a lot at the moment. But the evening has turned into my fingers, poised over the keyboard, undecided.
I did some doomscrolling through Facebook and saw my mother had posted a photo of dead possums she found in her garage. It made me sad almost to tears. This afternoon I watched our 3 minute thesis competition, and one of the entries in the ‘Visualise your Thesis’ was about companion animals and grief. Another opened with an image of a lost man with dementia. At the time I felt curiosity and hope.
Seeing my friends in other states going out with their friends, having a drink, touching. Doomscrolling these days of lockdown means that even happy things can make you sad.
So I am suspended over the keyboard with the decision to make; do I take myself off to Netflix or Stardew Valley to be distracted? Or do I let myself be sad, feel the feelings in the hope that feeling them fully will make them pass more swiftly?